1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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