Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
