**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
