I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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