Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
