I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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