Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
