I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
