She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
