Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize