I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
