I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
