I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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