We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
