i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
