It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize