We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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