i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
