That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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