so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
