dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
