Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
