I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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