yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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