I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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