Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
NoShamevember. You game?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
