People in love make me want to vomit
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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