Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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