i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
