i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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