Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
