420 ftw
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sorry my hands just texted you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
