it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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