Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
