it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm always down for nudity.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
