my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
