Is it normal to miss your booty call?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
