im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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