im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
