do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
