well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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