You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
