none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I could fuck to npr.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize