you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
