Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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