I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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