If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
