I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize