If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
