Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
