1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
