she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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