I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
