I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
false alarm, still single
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
