she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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