i dedicated my morning wood to you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
