Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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