I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
