tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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