Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
