I am in a vortex of obligation.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize