New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
