I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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