Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize