I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
