When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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