can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
